R&B star AKON has no idea how old he is. His birth
certificate suggests he was born in April, 1977, which makes him 31 -
but he refuses to believe he’s that old; in 2006, he told one
interviewer he was 25.
And the Smack That hitmaker tells the Associated Press he has no interest in checking his age: “All
it’s going to do is depress me. I don’t want to know I’m getting older.
Then I’ll start to think about getting check-ups and insurance. I don’t
want that.” The Senegalese star adds, “In Africa… age is not important. They don’t care. I feel like I’m 21 right now, and I’ll be 21 for the next 10 years.” –Akon, Associated Press via Bossip
Holy fuck! I can’t stop laughing! Is this the kind of Oprah Winfrey “finding your spirit” bullshit we can expect from Uncle L’s blog going forward?
“The next chapter of your life has begun… The
toughest decisions you will ever have to make lie in front of you.
Decisions that will require you to choose between integrity and
necessity enact the promises made to millions of people and recognize a
change in perspective that will sometimes make those promises
impossible to keep. Only you will be able to make those choices.” –LL Cool J, Open Letter to Barack Obama via AllHipHop.com
Bwaaaahahahahhaa! Then LL winked and handed Barack a stick of Old Spice Swagger. Of course, this is after anxiously shrieking that trampled chipmunk noise he used to make back in the rec room era.
*long sniff* Nice!*obligatory lip lick*
Let’s all thank Captain Obvious and his trusty sidekick, Mr. Redundancy Man for that indispensable message.
“Damn right! I ain’t never ran, nah mean? At the end
of the day, you’re dealing with cats who think that we as young black
men don’t know what it is we do. We entrepreneurs, we came from
nothing. If you gotta mispronounce my name to try to be funny and you
got a Harvard or whatever education you got, then you’re really showing
how ignorant you are… If you didn’t hear what the fuck I said, it’s all
good, but you didn’t hear all these people crying in New Orleans… You
ain’t know bout the [Oscar] Grant kid that got killed in Oakland, you
ain’t speaking on that. You ain’t talking about these ladies out here
killing these babies, you worried about what I said.”–Young Jeezy, XXLMag.com
I hear The Snowman on this one. Sincerely, I do. We know better, but as per usual, Bill O’Reilly
has gone out of his way to shit in our cereal. It’s great that Jeezy
wants to defend his and our honor alike. Unfortunately, going on The O’Reilly Factor would
merely be walking nose-first into the Faux News pride trap. Billy
O’Really only antagonizes people he thinks he can either
intimidate—which is clearly not the case with Jeezy—or undermine the
intelligence of before his viewers.
“Due to what has happened so severely when the red shoes hit the runway, I was forced to change my name to Martin Louis the King, jr. Address me as such.” –Kanye West, video blog
I know this issue is a bit of a throwback by now and the information
is second-hand at best, but for what was originally supposed to be Notorious O.B.A.M.A. week, I must weigh in on reports of our favorite rap sexpot, Lil’ Kim wanting to be portrayed by an Asian actress.
Ugh. Don’t you just hate it when people make acronyms for no damn reason?
“I did it for hip-hop… It’s as big as [Barack] Obama’s being the first black president. This is part of our history in the urban community; Biggie was our first Obama.” –Jim Jones, XXLMag.com
“It’s just politics; they didn’t put me on that
cover because I didn’t have a major deal. That’s just what it was.
That’s my opinion. I don’t have nothing against XXL,
I know the game. I probably shouldn’t be even saying this but day by
day, every interview I do, 90% of the time I never say what I want to
say. So f**k it. I’m going to say what I want to say and I felt like I
should have been on that cover and not when you open it up, all up in
the crease and s**t man. If you read the round table interview I’m one
of the one’s doing most of the talking; me and Wale.” –Kid Cudi, Allhiphop.com.
Who are the ten best freshmen of 2009? Kid Cudi, Kid Cudi, Kid Cudi, Dylan, Kid Cudi…
By now you're all aware of Eddy "Mr. Fuck You Man" Curry's legal issues. I don't have to direct you to any local sports page report on the sexual harassment suit levied upon him by former chauffer, David Kuchinsky.
I
also don't have to tell you that his thieving-ass, parolee driver is
full of shit, right? I mean, this ain't exactly one of them dead-on Knickerbocker sex suits like Isiah's shit.
That don't mean your daddy new night job, neither.
For those of you who know how I gets down around this time of year, I'm going to take this time to open up the floor for worthy nominations in a myriad of negrolicious categories.
Mixtape/album. A project that blurs the line between the two entities. There are both positive and negative examples of these. Most negative examples are packaged and sold by Amalbum Digital, baby!
Whoonery (n.) -
White coonery.
Negromantic (adj.) -
Stereotypically negrous love story. Romantic scenario manufactured for black entertainment. [See: Negromatic Comedy (genre)]
Urban (n.) -
Negrous in nature. Of or pertaining to Negro culture. Used in popular media to describe black shit without saying "black shit."
Mulletor (n.) -
1. One who wears a mullet. 2. One of hillbilly descent. (pron.: "Skeletor")
Bermuda Triangle-esque region on back where hands are unable to reach for lotion application (variable).
Cropdusting (v.) -
Blunt augmentation via foreign substances, usually of the opiate orientation. (See: MTW)
Coonery (n.) -
Coon-like behavior. Anything associated with the Flavor of Love franchise. Farnsworth Bentley's day job.
SDN (n.) -
Smart Dumb Nigga. (See: Katt Williams, The Pimp Chronicles Vol. 1; Ghostface, The World According to Pretty Toney) (abbr.)
MTW (n., adj.) -
More Than Weed. Laced greenery (i.e.: Woolahs). (PSA: Don't hit the blunt if you don't know/trust whoever rolled it, children.)
Whitney Diet (n.) -
Cocaine in a can, baby!
Touchdown (n.) -
A nigga that ain't all the way retarded, but just got a touch of Down's [Syndrome]. (i.e. Chris Brown)
The Negro Channel (n.) -
Black Embarrassment Television (see: BET). Abbreviated as "TNC."
Snapper (n.) -
One who performs snap music. A Franchize Boy. A Soulja Boy.
NPS (n.) -
Niggas Per Sentence average. Amount of times the "n"-word is used in a single sentence.
ManBearPig (n.) -
A dangerous mythical beast spawned from the imagination of Al Gore. A nickname for Tiffany "New York" Pollard's mother, Sister Patterson.
CB4 (n.) -
Cock Block [Level] 4. A nickname for Tiffany "New York" Pollard.
Cank Stoochie (n.) -
Nether-regions in dire need of hygienic attention. Nappy minor-league dugout. (see: Flavor of Love)
Blented (adj.) -
Blunted + Bent. Twisted. Slizzard.
Blent (n.) -
Black Lent. Ron Mexico's unofficial 40-day period of reflection and lament spanning from Dr. Martin Luther King, jr. Day through the end of short-ass Black History Month.
BDP (n.) -
Black Diabetes Pandemic. Kool-Aid induced-suffering. The reason Big Mama lost her leg. The new Black Plague.
Niggaball (n.) -
A sport likening basketball, but covered in Lawry's Seasoned Salt. AND 1 Mixtape Tour. Basketball-esque performance sorely lacking in fundamental skills. (see: Philip "Hot Sauce" Champion)
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