I know. I know. It’s Michael Jackson holiday weekend extended, which means I must suspend my quest of… holding our beloved negro music to Michael Jackson standards.
Like I give a fuck who catches feelings.
The funniest shit about the 2009 BET Awards is that Michael Jackson wasn’t even invited until he died. Sure, he was the butt of millions of jokes minutes before he passed away–and as he was dying–but, the world successfully stopped turning for a weekend after he finally did. Niggas are funny like that, I guess. With that said, The Negro Channel did a great job on such short notice to pay tribute to possibly the greatest musical performer of all time.
Yes, that is a compliment. Sometimes I do that in print. Sometimes you see shit streak across the sky at night. Eh.
Without taking away from the effort of Debra Lee-vil and her demonic horde, here are some of my thoughts from the 2009 BET Awards as they occurred:
New Edition’s Jackson 5 tribute opening should never have happened. Sure, it was thrown together on short notice, but Mike deserves better than Ralph Tresvant sounding like the fucking Cryptkeeper. I saw NE on tour a couple years ago with my mother. I wondered why Tresvant wasn’t there. Now I wonder why he was excavated to brutalize a medley of Jackson tunes.
They gave LeBron James “Best Male Athlete”. I don’t know who the other nominees were. They didn’t start announcing nominees until the program was damn near over. I don’t watch TNC enough to know who they’re diggin like that, nor do I care. I do wonder if LeBron expected handshakes from the losing nominees as he does his losing on-court opponents. James mentioned appreciating everything Michael Jackson did for basketball. I too remember whem MJ ran the point for Indiana State between European tours. The nigga was money.
What else can I say about Ginuwine that hasn’t been said about Shemar Moore? Oh, I know. Michael Jackson inspired Ginuwine to buy a suit from Joe Jackson’s yardsale. I know y’all seent that shit. Either Ginuwine is a closet Jamaican, or that suit is out of John Witherspoon’s forthcoming “Detroit Johnny” collection.
Bang. Bang. Bang. Cooooooordinate.
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