As you’ve likely already heard, blogger Perez Hilton may or may not have gotten duffed out last night at one of many afterparties for the Much Music Awards in Toronto. You may also have heard that Will.I.Am of Black Eyed Peas may or may not have done the duffing.
If you’re fully caught up with this story, having seen Perez Hilton’s Twitter account, video “statement” and both Will.I.Am video blogs, you probably just had your junior prom last month. In which case, I congratulate you.
[Blogger’s Note: Perez Hilton’s video statement is Chopper Suit long. However, it is a masterful performance worth watching if you have the time.]
Hilton initially alleged via Twitter that Will.I.Am and his bodyguards assaulted him. He later changed his story to allege that Will.I.Am’s manager did the duffing, but let’s put a pin in that. We’ll come back to it.
Hilton uses Twitter to make frantic cries for police assistance. According to Hilton’s statement, Toronto police had already informed him that there were actual emergencies they needed to deal with and would get with him when they could. It’s Toronto, for fuck’s sake. Jamaicans are shooting people and jerking homosexuals. Drake just stopped for Yogen Fruz, causing a mini riot. The police got shit to do.
Instead of behaving rationally, Hilton tries to goad millions of people into flooding the Toronto police department phone lines on his behalf, taking away from real Ontarians actively being violated by Kardinal Offishall’s music.
[Blogger’s Note: I’d call the police myself if I had to hear that nigga’s quasi-dancehall fuckery on the radio too. The shit is dangerous.]
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