Ron Mexico City

XXLMag.com | Joe Budden Jumps Off

I’m starting to think that Joe Budden is an accessory to his webcam’s computer instead of the more commonplace variation. Kinda like how the suit really owns Chopper and drives the rented Lamborghini by itself.

This weekend Joe Budden and The Neverending Story (his perpetually webcasted home life) took the turn anyone could have seen coming. After consistent self-etherization for promotion’s sake yielded little tangible return—i.e., like 17 Slaughterhouse albums sold—Budden and his bartender/booty model long-term jumpoff are no more.

XXLMag.com | Yung Berg: Slap Happy

What did the five fangers say to the bitch nigga?

I think you know the rest. In the event that you don’t, Big Green has tied it all together pretty nicely for anyone with a middle school education.

[Blogger's Note: If you went to high school you're golden.]

XXLMag.com | Remy and the Raysor's Edge

“Lauren Raysor, the lawyer responsible for putting Bronx rapper Remy Ma behind bars, is asking record companies to put a “morality clause” in their artists’s contracts.”

–Elan Mancini, XXLMag.com

Before we go any further, I must hand out our first NP to this writer. Lawyers don’t put people behind bars, nigga. One’s criminal actions and/or a jury of his or her own so-called peers do that. Insinuating that this Lauren Raysor character is responsible for Remy doing 8 in the box is a cheap attempt at sensationalism, which might have been effective if anyone other than the alphabetical skeleton key man sympathized with Remy.

XXLMag.com | Only Built 4 CunniLingus Niggaz

If this were an episode of The Wire, our opening quote after “Way Down in the Hole” would have to be the following:

“My mouth too small to suck a dick.” -Raekwon

XXLMag.com | By The Time I Get to Arizona

Shit like this is why they don’t think Martin Luther King day is such a good idea 'round thurr.

Lil Wayne should just stay the fuck away from Arizona altogether. Landlocked states seem to bring out the worst in our ghoulish little friend. Or, at least they just stay hemming his shit up there.

XXLMag.com | Cash Money Is an Army

I thought they didn’t allow pets in the [A] Milli-terry, but Bow Wow’s apparently found a place next to a Tyga. I’m just wondering if that moves the money eater another place down on the depth chart or will Prince Bow have to Michael Vick his way back to the top.

XXLMag.com | Where Is Barack?

“Where is Washington? Where is Barack?!”

–Germaine Miller

Barack is probably somewhere fucking up a health care proposal—I mean, chasing down Mexican pork. I mean—working diligently on making our country better. Please forgive the man if he doesn’t have time to overturn C-Murder’s second murder conviction.

XXLMag.com | Brisco: Beats for Jackin'

After getting a cereal box worth of lucky charms and an automobile stolen from him at gunpoint, Brisco is retaliating the best way he knows how. He’s released a diss record to the unknown, unidentifiable assailants.

I know. I know. You’re all like, “What the fuck is a Brisco?” right? Before he got into a net beef with Yung Berg, I’d have thought a Brisco to be one of Billy Mays’ new household wonder products.

XXLMag.com | Eye Jammies

No Derelicts of Dialect.

The only bit of hip-hop news this weekend not involving Brisco's chain or eyebrow weaves is The Punch Heard 'Round the Hippie Park. By now you're all aware that Joe Budden got punched in or around the eye at Rock the Bells by one of Raekwon's ice water carriers. While you may not have seen the deed--which I hear was filmed as well--you've likely seen Joe Budden's reaction.

If you haven't, here it be.

XXLMag.com | Rappa Ternt Pres-o-dent

First Hurricane Chris at the Louisiana legislature, now this shit?

In yet another case of nigras confusing celebrity with qualification, T-Pain has embraced grad student Justin de la Cruz’s suggestion that the rapper replace T.K. Wetherell as president of Florida State University. The nomination sounds like something my college friends and I would have come up with in jest during our many—er,umm—independent horticulture lab sessions.

“They’re looking for someone who can make a lot of money, and T-Pain makes a lot of money.”

–Justin de la Cruz, Tallahassee.com

XXLMag.com | Worst We Ever Had?

I am just one of a great multitude of writers to have had a locker in the hallowed halls of XXL. Some of us have been great. Some of us started out great and fell the fuck off. Others have always been the weak sauce. I won’t name any names. Until recently, I could at least say we’ve all tried.

[Blogger’s Note: Some of this man and lady boy who make a bloggings, my people go crazy for. Others... not so much.]

I am a huge proponent of the guest blogger program. Whether it’s an artist or one of our loyal readers doing the blogging, I love it when people contribute thought-provoking shit to this site. This includes blog comments, which sometimes are the best part.

The Guest List sank to an all-time low this week when Shakur—a model-slash-rapper-slash-child genius who miraculously can no longer spell or write for shit—took hold of the reigns. Ironically enough, she immediately followed Skyzoo, who had just taken the section to new heights.

XXLMag.com | Child Soulja of Fortune

“I know America probably ain’t ready for a young black rich n*gga running around doing it how he had it planned since he was little. But i’m from the hood! This is all I know! All I grew up seeing was diamondz, money, drugs, fightin, shootin, dancing, basketball and football. real n*gga shit that’s all I was around while I grew up! I don’t know sh*t else!

I got signed when I was 16 and it took me away from that environment and put me on a whole other level that blew my mind. I’ve traveled all across the world and seen some AMAZING MIND BLOWING THINGS. But I can’t run from my past I can’t act like i’m something i’m not! I only can be what I know and be who I am WHICH IS ME. A young n*gga who was born in Southside Chicago moved to ATL and went to high school in Mississippi. NEVER stayed in a good neighborhood my whole life until after I got signed! ”

–Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em, SouljaBoyTellEm.com (via TheRundown.tv)

and, of course…

“When I was 9 years old/ I put it in my head I’mma die for this gold.”

–Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em, “Turn My Swag On”

Did Soulja Boy say he doesn’t know shit else? Really? I would have thought… Hmmm…

XXLMag.com | J-Kwon: Regression [Gettin' Un-grown]

The following excerpts are from Friday's J-Kwon feature. There are too many niggerbites to just isolate one, so I'm giving shine to the best of the best.

[Blogger's Note: How dare XXL disrespect Cee-lo with such a careless feature title?]