Ron Mexico City

XXLMag.com | Guitar Hero: New Jack Swing Edition

In case you are not aware, this Twitter exchange is in response the ghetto news story that saw Teddy Riley—umm—discipline his child(ren) with a Guitar Hero controller. Basically, the nigga went Quick Draw McGraw/El Kabong on at least one of his babies. I’m not going to say this type of behavior is right, but as I said on my podcast yesterday, I’ve seen and gotten worse in my day. Look how awesome I turned out.

XXLMag.com | A History of Violence

I guess Kid Cudi isn’t done addressing the criticism he took over his Canadian bitch nigga moment. I would blame Kanye West’s influence, but I know the Cudi type all too well. He exhibits the same dangerous combination of Eastern European dictator megalomania and Ralph Tresvant sensitivity that have already consumed West, Lupe Fiasco and a slew of other artists whose unparalleled awesomeness keep us all awake at night.

XXLMag.com | A Loopy Fiasco

Lupe Fiasco never ceases to amaze me. As a rapper he ups the lyrical ante every time out. As an individual he is a living reminder that talent and intelligence are as incongruous as money and web impressions. Blitzen kicks off a smarty-art nigga rant aimed at Elliot Wilson and RapRadar with an improper use of “your”. As you can imagine based on how often I attack the Lazytown approach to hip-hop grammar, I immediately judge people who fuck shit like that up. This goes double for niggas who operate on a platform of being smarter than everyone else.

XXLMag.com | The King of Coon Presents: Chickenfest

What’s that? No, I’m not laughing. That’s just what my face looks like when I’m overcome with pain, kinda like that one terrified kid who couldn’t stop smiling in Scared Straight. Submitted for your disapproval, Lil’ Jon’s name and crunkafied visage are all over this qualifier for the upcoming 2010 Coon Olympics' premiere event. Check your dignity at the door.

Bring your appetite, though.

World Star is the Joey Tribbiani of this Rap Shit

World Star should just admit they have no idea how to use quotation marks.

XXLMag.com | Dwayne M. Carter, Esq.

Dwayne M. Carter, Esq. That has a pretty swell ring to it. Then again, so does Dr. Carter. But, that’s only a rapster fantasy—not something he’s actually worked toward, right?

Actually, fuck being a lawyer. Dwayne Michael Carter knows there are plenty of other ways to use a law degree to become a powerful man. Ironically enough, he comes to this realization after having ended up on the fucked up side of said law. Young Carter’s also about to be pretty damn powerless for at least a year this coming February.

XXLMag.com | Ron Artest's Tiger Beat

Sure, he’s barely a rapper, but the homie Taurik put me on to Ron Artest’s blog at RonArtest.com. I can’t stand the Ron on Ron violence, but the shit needs to happen. Yesterday’s entry “My Letter to Tiger” is every bit as terrible and sadly entertaining as his musical letter to Michael, Michael, Michael, our nigga. Thus, as requested, I had to share my thoughts on the document.

XXLMag.com | Kid Cudi as Mr. Solo Bolo

I grew more and more confused with each passing moment after seeing footage of Kid Cudi going Ron Artest on some fan at a Vancouver show this past weekend. What did Cudi think, that this episode of contrived niggerishness was going to get him some stripes or some shit?

After seeing the XXL coverage I realized that the scenario is about 5 times dumber than I initially thought.

XXLMag.com | Dubel Up: The R. Kelly Story [Paperback]

There were a couple Negro Pleasings in the queue for today that came to a screeching halt in favor of yesterday’s breaking news. Apparently this nigga R. Kelly has decided to pen and publish a memoir. I thought this would more than likely entail that he plans to dictate his memoir to someone literate in preparation. Oh, was I wrong? I got my hands on a piece of the truly self-“written” Dubel Up: The Allabygrafical Story of R. Kelly under strict instructions not to share. While my word is my bond and I’m ethical to a fault [see: Big Green career], I had to break code and share some of this shit with you fine fellow haters.

XXLMag.com | Nas on Fitting the Profile

Propers to the homie DJ All Day for the alley-oop on Nas’ response to having “beaten” his Georgia DUI.

XXLMag.com | Susan Boyle: In Da Club

“Susan Boyle is hot right now. I got to get her on a track, for real. We’d make a hit… Everyone is talking about her, the lady from Britain’s Got Talent… She’s got an amazing voice, and together we’d get everyone dancing. I’m always looking to do something new and she’s cool, so I’ll ask somebody to let her know… I’d love to take her clubbing, show her around my world. She’d have a great time.”

-50 Cent, The Mirror

I would hope he’s joking, but knowing 50 Cent and his propensity to scheme, I’d bet he’s dead-ass serious. Given the sales disappointment—by 50 Cent standards, mind you—that Before I Self Destruct has become, I’m sure 50’s looking for the next musical gimmick that will magically restore him to Soundscan prominence. However, he’s already proven that music doesn’t work that way. Dare I say 50’s incessant extramusical distractions have proven harmful to his career as a musician? I dare indeed.

[Blogger's Note: Extramusical is a made-up word. Do not use it.]

XXLMag.com | Nas: Drunk [Driving] By Myself

Don’t give me a hard time about the title. It was either that or “Purple (in the Front Seat)”. Though, by the looks of the leaked dashcam footage, we have a “Black Zombie” on our hands. Homie was definitely having trouble keeping balance on one foot. Still, I expect him to walk a straight line blindfolded. I guess that’s because my mind’s been molded. I’ve been taught to love yours and hate mine.

XXLMag.com | Hurricane Chris: Best Rapster Alive

I told you. The situation is under control.