Blent 2010: Why High-Fructose Corn Syrup is the Got Damn Devil

Huey Freeman would call it "the white man's poison."

For those of you who may not be aware, Blent marks a roughly 40-day period of lament and reflection for general societal decline here at RMC. Blent is a contraction of "Black Lent" or "Black Lament," but the shit is really for everyone.

When has the hate ever excluded on the basis of race, culture or creed, right?

Much like the Catholic tradition, observation of Blent requires a concurrent sacrifice. I thought about giving up World Star Hip-Hop--but then, what the fuck would I write about? I could have chosen trees, but I hardly smoke anymore--let alone the way I did back in the Big Green days. No pun intended. The stickiest of the icky would not be a significant sacrifice at this point in my life.

Oh, no. If I was going to suggest that people should join me in lament and reflection, I had to set an example. I had to go hard. I needed to sacrifice something so difficult to avoid that niggas would be like "Daaaaaaaamn," a la Smokey and Craig. After scrolling through my catalog of evils, I came up with the insane idea to avoid high-fructose corn syrup from Oh, Shit! My Nigga MLK Day until March 1.

Why HFCS? Not only is it damn near unavoidable in the United States, but it's the got damn devil. Really, the two are related.

America is corn country. These motherfuckers in the middle of the map make more corn than anyone on earth knows what to do with--feeding the poor notwithstanding, of course. Them niggas ain't payin'. Instead, we've created an entire industry that refines and processes the shit--hence, Corn Flakes, ethanol, Terrence J, etc. I won't even get into the political implications of such industry, particularly given the recently removed campaign contribution restrictions for corporations.

Fuck that noise about the GOP trying to bend rules for Schwarzenegger. Cornell the Kellogg's rooster might be the 45th President of the United States. He'll beat out Joe Camel in a tight one.

With all that said, I may not have ever called HFCS the got damn devil were it not for these insulting-ass commercials:

Before you throw a kinetically-charged race card at your screen, it's not just sista-gurl fucksing with the The Great Foot Snatcher found in that "drink." Wally and Beaver Cleaver love it too.

I love how these got damn devils' argument against criticism of HFCS is that some people happen to slam it without knowing its ills. Notice these niggas don't say it won't take your feet, or that it didn't take grandma-nana's. It totally did. I'm not absolving grandma-nana of responsibility for losing her feets. But, if she'd known HFCS was gonna fuck with her "sugar" 10 times worse than her love affair with the Domino man, she'd... well... probably still have fucksed with the HFCS the way she fucksed with fatback, but nevermind all that. HFCS causes insulin resistance. This is paramount to the Black Diabetes Pandemic (BDP) I reference at times.

So far, I haven't had a drop of "the got damn devil" since a January 17 Dairy Queen run with the homie. It's been difficult, but being extra thoughtful, especially when I'm not preparing my own meals, has made all the difference. I'm not saying all this shit for some praise. There's a reason why I haven't even so much as written about the fast until now. Don't worry. I won't be going all Dead Prez on you and start blogging about beating the white man back into his cave with handfuls of asparagus spears.

I also won't ask you to join me. Besides, it's only a matter of time before I fuck up and unknowingly indulge in that sweet poison if I haven't already. Go ahead. Feed your damn babies. Just check the label every now and then before you grab shit off the rack and hastily scan that EBT card... and maybe limit the Welch's grape soda servings to one per day at the most.

Your feets will thank you.

Comments

[BIGNAT]

i will give up black women i don't fuck that many of them anyway so it will be easy mwhahahahahha

[mousie]

Stop trying to turn Blent into a celebratory season for black women. Aaahhh!

[Nola Q. Darling]

Church!!!!!!
Ron I keep tryin to school these ignorant negros... we have to watch what the hell is on the back of the damn labels. It's all a conspiracy for us to kill ourselves off. BDP...::shakin head::

[Mike Crown]

Keep up the good fight Ron. But you know them feds will be at your door on some Jerry Fletcher shit for putting that out there.