he's just really into trim. there. i said it.

[Blogger's Note: This is Alyson Mance's first guest blog at RMC. Please welcome her to the Hatefest.]

look here. This Tiger Woods thing has gone entirely too far. At no point am I going to say that he was, in any way, right for the sloppy display of adultery he's committed as of late, though people do cheat, and sometimes they cheat a lot, and that's just something everyone's gonna have to get used to at this point. But a few things about the situation and the way media's shittasticly handling it, as usual, has me bitching about this shit like I care about the gossipy parts more than I care about the actual psychologically straight-up-fucked-up parts.

you see, everyone in the entire world is self-absorbed by some degree or another. Laden with schadenfreude before we even came out of the womb, we usually feel good when someone is embarrassed or feeling bad about whatever fucked up shit they did to us. So people generally like apologies just to see someone humble themselves and pretend to feel sorry about some shit they don't actually feel bad about. Therefore, when someone famous does something really screwy and gets caught, everyone in America is all pissed off until said individual looks remorseful enough and does all this bullshit to prove how bad they're pretending to feel, then everyone's all smug and decides to let him/her off the hook because by that time, there's probably something bigger and better to make us cream our jeans with gossipy satisfaction.

so you've got this guy who's got about eleventy billion dollars (and counting) just from swinging a golf club, and hoes like money, so his Offered Pussy-to-Begged For Pussy ratio went, like, out of control. So what did he do? He took in all that punani like the obese winner of an unlimited donuts raffle. But even when you settle down with a woman and have a couple kids, Offered Pussy does not diminish, so long as your bank account and fame don't either. So he kept taking it. And then he got all sloppy with it, sending wack text messages and creating relationships and whathaveyou. And, like everything done in darkness, he got caught, and naturally it became less about his relationship with his wife and more about all the offended people out there rabble-rousing for apologies and insanity pleas so they could feel better about coveting an adulterer.

cheating on your spouse may not be the right thing to do, but neither is apologizing for things you simply aren't that sorry for. Tiger Woods is sorry he got caught. Tiger Woods doesn't want to lose his bodillion dollar endorsements so Tiger Woods cries Sex Addict to make all the folks feel better about his undying love for strange. Tiger Woods makes a public apology because The People aren't satisfied until he's humbled himself by pretending he's really sorry. And that's why people think his apology was so crappy.... BECAUSE HE DIDN'T REALLY MEAN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. And I don't begrudge him of this. Sex addiction is nonstop fucking whatever comes your way, not having pillow talk with your side-trim while the wife and kids are at the store. Sorry is feeling bad about exposing your wife to a Costco-sized menu of potential STDs and rectifying the situation before the public even has a chance to find out.

so really, all's i'm sayin is, get over it. Unless you were fuckin him. Then you can feel some kind of way. But seriously. There are natural disasters and dying children more deserving of front page news than golfers who can't keep their dicks dry.

[Read more from Alyson Mance at her own blog, about absolutely nothing.]

Comments

[Clark Kent]

LOL! Good post, Alyson! But if Tiger would've done this on the day of the Haiti earthquake who would the people be still talking about now?

[Jamal7Mile]

Haha! Couldn't have said it better myself! Also, isn't there a new law out that says that Tiger's wife can sue the jump-offs if they knew he was married? The jump-offs better STFU and fade to black, pronto!

[BIGNAT]

man fuck this tiger didn't start humping the hoes until his wife got the kids. which meant she hit the change like most women do. some change once you give them the ring some change with they have the kid. once women start feeling like you not getting rid of them they start acting the fool. the problem is tiger got money and women wanna go. now stay home with the wife who is bitching and not putting out or get blow form the ho's. they was ugly and if like one or two popped up he would have got away with it. as long as they don't look better than his wife he could deny deny deny. throw his bitch a diamond word to kobe and everything would have been okay.