#1 Lil' Boosie vs. #8 Timbaland
Sheeeeeeit. Can we call this a first round bye? I expect this to be the closest thing possible. What did Timbaland even do again? Something about a watch, right? Lil' Boosie's defiant niggerishness may earn him a breeze into the final four. Lawrence Taylor and I'm Selling Pussy may have something to say about that, but wake me up when they do. Who's really fucking with the child soldier proprietor who finds a need to flash a broach for cameras he probably shouldn't have while his entire legal and personal world crumbles around him.
He steeeill ain't gon' get convicted.
The flagrant white man grudge match is upon us! Ben Roethlisberger continues to test the limits of his Caucasianness by coming out with a new alleged sexual assault as frequently as DatPiff gets mixtape uploads. They won't let him get away with these sexy time with force situations too many more times, will they? I guess it's all good so long as she doesn't get raped by a pack of wild niggers, as Officer Riggs would say. Who's had the dumber year? Is it Ben for still thinking that "No" means "Yes?" Is society to blame for creating an environment that lets him get away with it time and time again? Is it Mel Gibson for deep sixing his own career harder and faster than anyone not named Charlie Sheen? You make the call. I make the call. It's all for all.
#3 I'm Sellin' Pussy vs. #6 Willie D (of Geto Boys)
If I told you back in 2010 that two Geto Boys would be in the 2011 DN Tournament and Bushwick Bill would not be one of them, you'd have called me Harold Camping. Still, here we are. Scarface's run has already come to an end, like his desire to support his chillens. Willie D, however, can turn his prison sentence for a not-so-elaborate cell phone sales scam into the cannon fodder to deflate two magical hippopotamus and their diseased hyena friend who have resorted to endorsing the world's oldest profession in a rap song. I'm Selling Pussy has all the makings of a Cinderella['s overweight, cank stoochified stepsisters]-type run that saw last year's pussy-themed contestant take it all. Remember, they ain't gotta rap.
#2 Lawrence Taylor vs. #7 Antoine Dodson
NFL great and legendary crackhead Lawrence Taylor was busted on child prostitution charges earlier this year. Taylor issued defenses ranging from "It wasn't me." to "I didn't even beat." to the classic Marion Barry "Bitch set me up." Antoine Dodson's emotionally charged neck roll-laden folly became YouTube video of the year and a top selling digital single on iTunes. Does AD have enough African Pride perm left in the can to tackle LT? Is Taylor's pussy and coke addiction enough to get him a likely matchup with... well... more pussy in the next round? Could LT get high enough to fuck all three members of 1st Lady? That last question doesn't even have anything to do with the tournament. I'm just curious.
Voting ends Thursday, May 26th at 12:00AM PST. As you all know, I gots love for the west. Vote carefully! May the best DNs win!