Ron Mexico City

Tiger Woods & Earl Woods Nike Commercial

What could bring me back from an extended brain vacation, you ask?

Why, watching Tiger Woods wipe his dirty dick off on his dead father's back, of course.

2010 DN Tournament Final

We have a winner!

You've done it, haters. You've pushed I eat da, I eat da, I eat da pussy to a commanding victory over Plaxico Burress. IEDPB cruised through the entire tournament. Their 63.1%-36.9% victory over the man who toppled Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, Gucci Mane, top-seeded Tiger Woods and The Negro Channel speaks volumes regarding your distaste.

In honor of this monumental victory, I have spend 2/13's period of Blent reflection on Harriet Tubman. It was her elementary school . I think we can safely say Sister Moses didn't lead slaves to northern freedom so that they could sing "I Eat Da Pussy" in front of a dancing, cooch finger-licking toddler.

I still haven't had a drop of "the white man's poison" either.

2010 DN Tournament Championship Match

Here is your 2010 DN Tournament final match.

Final Four Results:

#7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys (55.9%) def. #1 Gilbert Arenas (44.1%)
#2 Plaxico Burress (53.8%) def. #3 BET Programming (46.2%)

It is now time to crown a champion, haters!

2010 DN Tournament - The Final Four

The Road to Ron Mexico City has finally come to an end. Four DNs emerge with the 2010 championship in plain sight.

 

As noted on Twitter earlier, only one #1 seed remains! The people have spoken! Your regional championships have been crowned!

Elite H8 Results:

East:
#7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys (70.1%) def. #1 Lil' Boosie (29.9%)

South:
#1 Gilbert Arenas (65.9%) def. #3 Max B (34.1%)

Midwest:
#2 Plaxico Burress (51.8%) def. #1 Tiger Woods (48.2%)

West:
#3 BET Programming (53.9%) def. #1 Lil' Wayne (46.1%)

The Final Four:

Online Surveys & Market Research

#1 Gilbert Arenas vs. #7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys

Blent 2010: Why High-Fructose Corn Syrup is the Got Damn Devil

Huey Freeman would call it "the white man's poison."

For those of you who may not be aware, Blent marks a roughly 40-day period of lament and reflection for general societal decline here at RMC. Blent is a contraction of "Black Lent" or "Black Lament," but the shit is really for everyone.

When has the hate ever excluded on the basis of race, culture or creed, right?

2010 DN Tournament - The Sweet 16

Are you fucking kidding me?! Another tie?! What the fuck is going on, haters?!

As per the precedent set by Rick Ross and Buju Banton's tie, Katt Williams and Rod Blagojevich will advance to a three-way dance with Max B! Owwwwww!

Here's your updated bracketology:

As for the complete Round 2 results, dere dey go:

East:

#1 Lil' Boosie (79.6%) def. #8 R. Kelly (20.4%)
#12 OJ Da Juiceman (70.6%) def. #13 Ron Artest (29.4%)
#6 WSHH Content (56.9%) def. #3 Delonte West
#7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys (70.6%) def. #2 Chris Brown (29.4%)
 
South:

#1 Gilbert Arenas (85.0%) def. #8 Marshawn Lynch (15.0%)
#4 Gerald M. Saluti (61.1%) def. #5 Charles Hamilton (38.9%)
#3 Max B (57.1) def. #6 Bow Wow (42.9%)
#2 Katt Williams tied. #7 Rod Blagojevich

Midwest:

#1 Tiger Woods (74.6) def. #9 Barbara Norton (25.4%)
#12 Sexy Spec (64.7) def. #13 Michael Steele (35.3%)
#3 Gucci Mane (68.4%) def. #6 Frankie Lons (31.6%)
#2 Plaxico Burress (62.6%) def. #7 Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (37.4%)

West:

#1 Lil' Wayne (58.8%) def. #9 Chopper (41.2%)
#4 DMX (50.9%) def. #12 Joe Jackson (49.1%)
#3 BET Programming (56.8%) def. #6 Stephon Marbury (43.2%)
#2 Buju Banton (42.0%) def. #10 Kanye West (36.0%) and #15 Rick Ross (22.0%)

Round 3... FIGHT!

[CLICK HERE FOR XXL ANALYSIS]

East:

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2010 DN Tournament - Round 2, Midwest + West Regions

We have our first tie in DNCAA history. I've enclose photo evidence just to show you I ain't bullshittin'. I know how some of you feel about polls on XXL.

[CLICK HERE FOR XXL ANALYSIS]

 

We've set a new DN Tournament precedent by allowing both participants in question to advance. Officer Ricky, Buju Banton and Kanye West will three-way dance to advance!

The complete Round 2 bracket is as follows:

Midwest Results:

#1 Tiger Woods (87.8%) def. #16 SOHH Headlines (12.2%)
#9 Barbara Norton (60.5%) def. #8 Hurricane Chris (39.5%)
#13 Michael Steele (69.3%) def. #4 Charlie Sheen (30.7%)
#12 Sexy Spec (63.6%) def. #5 Joe Budden (36.4%)
#3 Gucci Mane (71.1%) def. #14 Tila Tequila (28.9%)
#6 Frankie Lons  (52.0%) def. #11 Lamar Odom (48.0%)
#7 Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (53.2) def. #10 Sammy Sosa (46.8%)
#2 Plaxico Burress (92.0%) def. #15 Beanie Sigel (8.0%)

West Results:

#1 Lil' Wayne (75.2%) def. #16 Diddy (24.8%)
#9 Chopper (66.1%) def. #8 Waka Flocka Flame (33.9%)
#4 DMX (73.6%) def. #13 Kid Cudi (26.4%)
#12 Joe Jackson (53.5%) def. #5 VH1 Programming
#3 BET Programming (77.7%) def. #14 Nas (22.3%)
#6 Stephon Marbury (68.8%) def #11 Alfamega (31.3%)
#10 Kanye West (53.5%) def. #7 MTV Programming
#2 Buju Banton tied #15 Rick Ross

Midwest Voting:

Online Surveys & Market Research

2010 DN Tournament - Round 1, West Region

Okay. It's Young Wayne on these hoes...

[CLICK HERE FOR XXL ANALYSIS]

Online Surveys & Market Research

2010 DN Tournament - Round 1, South & East Regions

It's time for the opening tip! I don't have to tell you fine haters what to do. You already know what it is. It's your boy, Ron Mexico City. We up in this motherfucker gettin' money and shit. Fuck niggas stay on ya job! I'm bout mines! [Insert silly slogan here] Gnome sane?!

I'm sorry. Forgive me. My webcam just went off and something came over me. Here are your 16 of your 32 first round matchups.

[Click here for full downloadable bracket and XXL matchup analysis]

South Region:

Online Surveys & Market Research

XXLMag.com | The Black Carpet

While I openly believe that 24-hour news networks are the worst thing ever to happen to journalism, I chose MSNBC's coverage of Michael Jackson's Memorial for hip-hop journalist Toure.

[Blogger's Note: Don't ever call him a "hip-hop journalist". Trust me.]

Natural Light "Natastrophe" Commercial

I thought life's only "natastrophe" was being so broke you could only afford to purchase this natasty ass shit.

Dr. Miracle's Weedwhacker Commercial + Miraculous Outtakes

This shit is why black people hate themselves.

Microsoft "Laptop Hunters" Commercials

After sitting through my 5th or 6th installment of the "Laptop Hunters" series, I began to notice a very unsettling pattern in the clip format of these Microsoft Windows commercials.

KFC Grilled Chicken Commercial with Chef G. Garvin

If this ain't 'bout the most abominable of chicken coons you've seen...

Between Chef G. Garvin and Annie the Chicken Queen, both descendants of Chicken George, I'm about to deem all poultry as food that incites racial insecurity.

R.I.P. Chappelle's Show.

Pepsi Throwback Commercial

*70s announcer bass* Awwwww, shit.

Don't fall for this old "Pepsual Seduction" bullshit, my people! It feels great to know Big Rick is finding consistent work, though.

Windows "Kylie" Commercial

Wowsers. Meet Kylie. She designed Ron Mexico City.

New York Lottery Cashword "English Class" Commercial

I can't stand this here ignorant shit.

XXLMag.com | LL Cool J’s Got Advice for Barack Obama

Holy fuck! I can’t stop laughing! Is this the kind of Oprah Winfrey “finding your spirit” bullshit we can expect from Uncle L’s blog going forward?

“The next chapter of your life has begun… The toughest decisions you will ever have to make lie in front of you. Decisions that will require you to choose between integrity and necessity enact the promises made to millions of people and recognize a change in perspective that will sometimes make those promises impossible to keep. Only you will be able to make those choices.” –LL Cool J, Open Letter to Barack Obama via AllHipHop.com

Bwaaaahahahahhaa! Then LL winked and handed Barack a stick of Old Spice Swagger. Of course, this is after anxiously shrieking that trampled chipmunk noise he used to make back in the rec room era.

*long sniff* Nice! *obligatory lip lick*

Let’s all thank Captain Obvious and his trusty sidekick, Mr. Redundancy Man for that indispensable message.

XXLMag.com | 2008 Negro Please Awards III: The Final Call

[Back to 2008 Negro Please Awards Part 2]

Ron Mexico: At this time we ask that you direct your attention to screen #1 as we present a Lifetime Achievement Award to our longest-running sponsor.

Try our new Recession Combos!

Budwieser "Wine Tasting" Commercial

What the hell kind of simpin is Budweiser endorsing here?

Prudential Life Insurance Commercial

Umm...

This shiesty-ass little kid is gonna push his dad down the basement stairs.

U.S. Marine Corps "Courage" Commercial

Riiiiiight.

XXLMag.com | A Very Diddy Christmas

I hope you’ve all had yourselves a wonderful holiday season thus far. As the new year approaches, I only request that you “Rub this Ciroc…/ in your breasts and on your vaginaaaaa!”

Take that! Take that, you triflin’ beyotch!!!! *pours Ciroc on triflin’ beyotch*

Negro Please 2009! Ron Mexico City Records up in this bitch.

Since you missed me so much last week, we’ll be starting the week off proper-like by addressing four SDN-finalist Diddy fuck-ups at once.

TheUrbanDaily.com | McDonald's "McNugget Love" R&B Commercial

N2U's Don Lee helps bring Strom Thurmond's dream for the Negro closer to fruition by penning an ode to the black man's kryptonite for our friends at McDonald's.

I know what you're thinking. "Who the hell is 'N2U?'"

XXLMag.com | T.I. Suggests ATLiens Dime Off Whenever They Like

Reduced-time rapper/actor/weapon connoisseur Clifford “T.I.P.” Harris has an entirely different type of Paper Trail for the peoples of Atlanta to follow.

“Yeen’t gotta leave yo’ home all night.

If you got a phone, drop dime on ya nig-ger-row [Negro]

Whenever you liiiiiiiike!/

Yeah. You can snitch whenever you like.” -T.I., Channel 2 News (Atlanta) via WSHH

I’m not going to go as far as using the “s”-word to describe civilians reporting crime in their own neighborhoods. [We've already eased on down Definition Road with the likes of Cam'ron and other misguided rapsters who fail to understand the concept's confinement to a particular field, game or industry.] However, a spearchucker like T.I. ought to know better than to…

Wait a minute. What “s”-word y’all thought I was talking about?

XXLMag.com | Diddy Acquires Enyce, Working on Polyester Blend Remix

"So I got Zac Posen. That's on the high-end. I got Sean John, who's very multicultural lifestyle brand, and then I have now, boom, Enyce... I'm the king the remix, so if you wanna know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna remix the brand and make a hit like I make my records." -Diddy, Diddy Blog Special Bulletin via WSHH

What Puffy meant to say:

"..and then I have now, boom, Enyce so niggas who just came home from 10-year bids can still feel good about their wardrobe."

TheUrbanDaily.com | Axe "Chocolate Man" Commercial

It's like "A Day in the Life of Ronaldo H. Chocolateface."

TheProudFranchise.com | Alonzo Mourning & Dwyane Wade Gatorade G2 Life Commercials

I know this one's old, but it just won't go the fuck away.

I tell you what, if Zo keep fuckin around with that Grape Kool-Aid he's gonna lose an inexcusable third kidney.

Look at him as he unwaveringly pushes the white man's poison on our people. *shaking head*

(Continue reading "TheProudFranchise.com | Alonzo Mourning & Dwyane Wade Gatorage G2 Life Commercial")

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: SDN Tournament - And The Winner Is...

Not Hov.

Ron Mexico: Welcome to the final installment of ESDN First Hate for this 2008 SDN Tournament. Jemelle, Dana, Stuart, Skip, Scoop, Skap, Scallywhop, Jackpot, Billy X. Sunday and the rest of the ESDN staff want to thank you all for your attentiveness and participation.

Before we announce the winner of the final matchup between Division A’s #8 seed, Diddy and Division B’s #14 R. Kelly, I’d like to take this time to request a round of applause for all 32 of this year’s contestants.

All: *emphatic booing*

SDN Tournament Championship

...and then there were two.

Diddy and R. Kelly duke it out for the SDN crown! Check the original XXLMag.com entry for bracketology, analysis and a Big Green bonus.

(VOTE ADENTRO)

SDN Tournament, The Elite Hate - Voting

We're almost there... and as of now my Final Four is still intact.

Online Surveys & Market Research

Only 8 SDNs remain. Let's get it! Check the original XXLMag.com post for complete breakdown and ESDN analysis.

Call me Ron Van Pelt... except I don't quote nearly as much rap.

SDN Tournament, The Senseless 16 Results

Here are your Senseless 16 results.

#8 Diddy (68.1%) def. #1 Kanye West (31.9%)

Poppa Diddy Pop is picking up some serious steam. I did not expect homie to handle Kanye like that.

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Why Does Sarah Palin Scare Diddy So Much?

Today’s sign of the apocalypse officially hips us to Bad Boy’s having fallen off. I mean, it’s taken Puffy months to finally drop the remix to “John McCain is Bugging the Fuck Out.”

There was a time when Puffy was like the Oracle of this remix shit.

Andre Harrell: *nodding head* Damn, Sean. What’s this shit? *now screwing face*

Puffy: Heh. You like that, right? That’s that “Flava In Ya Ear” Remix! I’mma get LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes on it! I think I’mma have to let my new nigga Biggie spit on this shit too. Yeah. I can see it now.

AH: *confused look* What’s “Flava In Ya Ear?”

2008 Dodge Caravan Commercial

I hate seeing this commercial when I'm watching a ball game or whatever.

I'd think it safe to say these parents have failed.

Derek Jeter Gatorade G2 Commercial

I know this spot is nothing new, but...Does anything sound funny to you in this G2 commercial?

LL Cool J Old Spice "Swagger" Commercial

No one on the corner got... Eh, nevermind.

I don't know why, but I find every Old Spice commercial either hilarious, incredible or both.

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Diddy Is Bugging The Fuck Out!

This here is the shit Barack Obama needn’t be associated with.

How the fuck is an ass-ignorant, oratorically inept shine box nigga like Puff Daddy gonna call himself anything Obama-related? If Barack the Vote does anything well, it’s address the masses. Such monkers as “Ciroc Obama” should be reserved for negroes whose public speaking prowess extends past a shuffle, a jive and an occasional “take that.”

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Daddy Yankee & John McCain Escape Mass Media Ether

I’ve given Sly Fox almost an entire week to show some reciprocity. I clearly shouldn’t have been holding my breath.

*removes pin*

So as soon as Barack the Vote gets mentioned in some rapster’s hot 16 they attach the senator by his umbilical to every questionable statement or decision said rapster had made since birth. Yet, no one seems to have a problem with John McCain giving a room full of high-school girls a “gasolina” shower.

I guess the lyrics don’t count if they’re in Mexican.

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Bow Wow vs. The Game - Madden '09 Charity Blowjob Challenge

I was gonna talk about Dame Dash’s broke ass but had a change of heart… I mean, plans.

Apparently, niggas wanna play some damn Playstation.

Earlier this week Lil’ Bow Wow went had one of his weed carriers run down to Wal-Mart or wherever to wait on line for one of them limited edition Madden ’09 20th Anniversary jawns. After inflating his ego by forcing his entourage to throw contests/only allowing them to use the Miami Dolphins, Mr. Wow issued a $100,000 challenge to The Game to, well, play games.

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Memphis Bleek Keeps His Game Silky Smooth

Arrrrgh! Can’t… stop… laughing….

While weighing in on Jimmy [Jones] Being Jimmy, we touched on the hand grenade that is Memphis Bleek’s Garnier Fructis commercial. I believe we “put a pin in it” as Jeremy Piven would say.

*removes pin* *drops grenade to ground* *kicks grenade under Bleek’s Outback Steakhouse delivery bike*

XXLMag.com | Negro Please Presents: The Unofficial Official SDN Tournament Nomination Ceremony

A couple weeks ago, what started out as one of many water cooler Hennessy bottle conversations between myself and Carl “Jackpot/HD/Behind The Grind/Still Locked Up” Chery manifested itself into a controverisal entry.

The topic was “Smart Dumb Niggas” in the world of hip-hop.

The Proud Franchise: Stephon Marbury is the NBA's Answer to Mike Tyson

Il Gallo wasn't the only special foreign body making an American television debut yesterday at Vegas Summer League.

Stephon Marbury's new facial tattoo made its first appearance also.

Between the smoked-out interviews, his behavior surrounding the MSG sex circus suit and now the Starbury logo facial,  Steph has certainly established himself as the frontrunner to win the prestigious Mike Tyson Award for Most Bizarre Media Entity.

(Continue reading "The Proud Franchise: Stephon Marbury is the NBA's Answer to Mike Tyson")

Between the smoked-out interviews, his behavior surrounding the MSG sex circus suit and now the Starbury logo facial,  Steph has certainly established himself as the frontrunner to win the prestigious Mike Tyson Award for Most Bizarre Media Entity.

(Continue reading "The Proud Franchise: Stephon Marbury is the NBA's Answer to Mike Tyson")

McDonald's Big Mac "Sampling" Commercial

"I'm just sampling?!" Nigga are you serious?!

I don't generally get too bothered by the stereotypically terrible, ass-ignorant public relations endeavors of McDonaldland Corporation. The shit is expected.

What particularly fucks with me is the underhanded criticism of hip-hop made in the "sampling" bit.  It's always people, like the suits at Mickey D's, who don't understand the process that are most willing to comment.

When Rapper A samples Soul Singer B's forgotten classic, Soul Singer B gets a brand new subsidy for her/his canned soup regimen. Maybe the wisecrack would make more sense if Safe Negro A takes a bite of Happy Mexican's sandwich and somehow the sandwich produces... more sandwiches? A McDonald's gift card worth fitty-leven thousand dollars?

Sampling doesn't take the pickles off the burger. At the very least it lets a bum-ass supersize for free.

P.S.: We all know someone would have been stabbed behind this shit if the situation were any closer to reality, holmes.

Adidas Dynamo "Sneaker Magic" Commercials

No, it's not Earvin, unfortunately. But Magic Johnson sure can sell a mean combo treatment... and some chicken.

This is "Sneaker Magic" with Dynamo, Adidas' newest ad campaign.

Damn, Adidas. Y'all turned to a street magician/gigolo known only (on matchbooks and bathroom walls) as "Dynamo" to promote your gear?

Remember the good ol' days when a nigga actually playing some good ball would sell a sneaker?

Was Kevin Garnett's breakdown celebration a little too over-the-top for your target demographic, Adidas? You couldn't even perform the trick on Garnett?

Magic Johnson KFC Commercial

I bet he blamed the chicken, too.

Kool-Aid Niggaball commercial

...and the niggas actually chant "Kool-Aid" at the end!

Dockers "California Soul" Commercial

How these niggas gonna use Marlena Shaw's "California Soul" for a Dockers commercial featuring nothing but white people doing the least soulful shit imaginable?

I'm sure Marlena ain't complaining, but damn... Can we get a nigga pop-lockin' or something? The disparity in this ad is staggering.

What next? Paul Simon in a Popeye's commercial?

Nah, I ain't frontin on Uncle Paulie. But all my official, thorough-like hood niggas know Garfunkel kept him funky.

Labels: art garfunkel, california soul, dockers, marlena shaw, paul simon, popeye's

Sofia Vergara Cadillac Commercial

Click here to watch Sofia stumble through this shit like the oral section of the ESL Final Exam.

Word, Sofi? Cupholders? That's maybe because they haven't yet polled a Latina whose boyfriend makes her help him in the garage/weed spot he works at.

"Mariana... Traeme un.. un-- socket wrench!"

Her cupholder would be her son, Chucho.

I don't give a damn. I'd be on it like Tyrese in "Four Brothers." She can chase papi wherever she damn well pleases.

Labels: cadillac, chasing papi, four brothers, sofia vergara, tyrese

Ron Mexico City: The Lost Hate - "Saaphyri's Lip Chap"

All the flavors of her love give you diabetes.

This is definitely what Mo'nique was talking about in "Charm School." Go out there and be somebody!

"Want some lip chap... on your African soupbone?"

Damn, Kennedy. How far we've fallen from MTV Spring Break.

I thought that $50,000 was gonna change her life. Didn't she say she wasn't gonna have to do this kind of shit anymore?

I guess that money was just enough to buy her freedom back from Goldie Mack. The rest obviously went to a bag of cush, a tub of bees wax, some Kool-Aid packets, "good" socks and booty shorts.

Diggin' the socks, though.

*head exploding*

Ingredients: chicken grease, red kool-aid, beeswax, man mustard, hot sauce

The shit's all-natural, bro.

P.S.: Red Grant will appear in your baby shower video for a plate.

Labels: caroline kennedy, flavor of love, kool-aid, lil mama, lip chap, lip gloss, mo'nique, red grant, saaphyri

AT&T Basketball Coon Commercial

Just shooting baskets for the whiteys... I mean "townies."

Damn, Chuck. Ain't this about some fake-ass Dave Chappelle shit?

Now all we need is for the black pixie to come bring him a tray of chicken wings.

I can see the ad exec at AT&T gettin shut down right now:

"Umm, Mr. Chappelle. We want you for a national commercial spot. *pause* Yeah. Real simple. You're gonna shoot some baskets and make those wacky Chappelle noises in a bar full of normal bar patrons. You know. Regular people... *long pause* Oh, no? Okay then. Zippety doo-dah. Bye-bye."

...and Oprah didn't understand a nigga's perspective.

Come on, Chuck. Wiggle it like Tyrone Biggums!

Labels: att, cingular, commercial, dave chappelle, oprah winfrey, racial pixies, tyrone biggums