[Preface: Ron Mexico City is in no way, shape, form or fashion associated with the organization of crusty niggas known as "The Hateocracy." I will also be getting you the rest of your Boondocks thoughts and observations in no particular order this week.]
The episode brings casual viewers up to speed with the notion of "nigga moments" early in the game. However, "nigga synthesis" is some shit I wish I'd coined in the slangustics myself. It's such a perfect way to describe W-rld St-r fuckery and the like. Niggas banding together in perfect niggerish harmony is indeed biology at work, children.
I heard about this here fuckery around New Year's time and wanted to let the shit marinate. I was curious to see if I'd be the only person offended by it. That happens from time to time.
Sadly enough, I didn't hold out any hope for a pleasant surprise. After seeing the video for a song called "I Support Single Mothers" starring T-Pain and some scrub-ass nigga named Young Cash, I immediately assumed the worst.
Long story short, they should have never gave these niggas [fake] money!
Black Aristocrat, a longtime friend of RMC, joins us to discuss "the group home for dumb-ass niggas," Marquis Daniels' gawdy piece (on the chest of a bizzoss), We Are the World 2010 and much more.
You've done it, haters. You've pushed I eat da, I eat da, I eat da pussy to a commanding victory over Plaxico Burress. IEDPB cruised through the entire tournament. Their 63.1%-36.9% victory over the man who toppled Soulja Boy Tell 'Em, Gucci Mane, top-seeded Tiger Woods and The Negro Channel speaks volumes regarding your distaste.
In honor of this monumental victory, I have spend 2/13's period of Blent reflection on Harriet Tubman. It was her elementary school . I think we can safely say Sister Moses didn't lead slaves to northern freedom so that they could sing "I Eat Da Pussy" in front of a dancing, cooch finger-licking toddler.
I still haven't had a drop of "the white man's poison" either.
For those who may have missed yesterday's show, please forgive the sound of my phone. I had a bad connection and can never tell when that happens until the shit is over and I listen back like, "Damn. I sounded like stir-fried shit." So, I already know.
We discuss Lil' Wayne's timely dentistry, Yo Gotti's border clash, Sean Price's baby shower, The New Orleans Saints and much more, as always.
Feel free to have at it if you dare come face-to-face with such niggerdom. It's at the end of the podcast.
We also discussed the DN Tournament Final Four, Kesan's (From Gs to Gents) music video/public appeal and "We Are the World 2010," among countless other shit.
They've already changed the title, but I preserved it for you to hate on accordingly. Niggas need to stop listening to all that coke gun swagg music and pick up a fucking book every now and then.
Moreffa da Albino Pimp stepped away from his own upstart BTR show to grace ours with his musings. Click his name at your own risk. He's tuned his program into the ghetto chatlines of New York and... wow. Let's just say, he's onto something when he speaks of the chatlines as being World Star in real life.
Are you fucking kidding me?! Another tie?! What the fuck is going on, haters?!
As per the precedent set by Rick Ross and Buju Banton's tie, Katt Williams and Rod Blagojevich will advance to a three-way dance with Max B! Owwwwww!
Here's your updated bracketology:
As for the complete Round 2 results, dere dey go:
East:
#1 Lil' Boosie (79.6%) def. #8 R. Kelly (20.4%) #12 OJ Da Juiceman (70.6%) def. #13 Ron Artest (29.4%) #6 WSHH Content (56.9%) def. #3 Delonte West #7 I Eat Da Pussy Boys (70.6%) def. #2 Chris Brown (29.4%)
South:
#1 Gilbert Arenas (85.0%) def. #8 Marshawn Lynch (15.0%) #4 Gerald M. Saluti (61.1%) def. #5 Charles Hamilton (38.9%) #3 Max B (57.1) def. #6 Bow Wow (42.9%) #2 Katt Williams tied. #7 Rod Blagojevich
Midwest:
#1 Tiger Woods (74.6) def. #9 Barbara Norton (25.4%) #12 Sexy Spec (64.7) def. #13 Michael Steele (35.3%) #3 Gucci Mane (68.4%) def. #6 Frankie Lons (31.6%) #2 Plaxico Burress (62.6%) def. #7 Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (37.4%)
West:
#1 Lil' Wayne (58.8%) def. #9 Chopper (41.2%) #4 DMX (50.9%) def. #12 Joe Jackson (49.1%) #3 BET Programming (56.8%) def. #6 Stephon Marbury (43.2%) #2 Buju Banton (42.0%) def. #10 Kanye West (36.0%) and #15 Rick Ross (22.0%)
We have our first tie in DNCAA history. I've enclose photo evidence just to show you I ain't bullshittin'. I know how some of you feel about polls on XXL.
We've set a new DN Tournament precedent by allowing both participants
in question to advance. Officer Ricky, Buju Banton and Kanye West will three-way dance to advance!
The complete Round 2 bracket is as follows:
Midwest Results:
#1 Tiger Woods (87.8%) def. #16 SOHH Headlines (12.2%) #9 Barbara Norton (60.5%) def. #8 Hurricane Chris (39.5%) #13 Michael Steele (69.3%) def. #4 Charlie Sheen (30.7%) #12 Sexy Spec (63.6%) def. #5 Joe Budden (36.4%) #3 Gucci Mane (71.1%) def. #14 Tila Tequila (28.9%) #6 Frankie Lons (52.0%) def. #11 Lamar Odom (48.0%) #7 Soulja Boy Tell 'Em (53.2) def. #10 Sammy Sosa (46.8%) #2 Plaxico Burress (92.0%) def. #15 Beanie Sigel (8.0%)
West Results:
#1 Lil' Wayne (75.2%) def. #16 Diddy (24.8%) #9 Chopper (66.1%) def. #8 Waka Flocka Flame (33.9%) #4 DMX (73.6%) def. #13 Kid Cudi (26.4%) #12 Joe Jackson (53.5%) def. #5 VH1 Programming #3 BET Programming (77.7%) def. #14 Nas (22.3%) #6 Stephon Marbury (68.8%) def #11 Alfamega (31.3%) #10 Kanye West (53.5%) def. #7 MTV Programming #2 Buju Banton tied #15 Rick Ross
All hate aside, thanks for participating in the 2010 DN Tournament! It's been a great success so far. It's nothing without you. This is a pivotal time for RMC and your support is greatly appreciated.
It's time for the opening tip! I don't have to tell you fine haters what to do. You already know what it is. It's your boy, Ron Mexico City. We up in this motherfucker gettin' money and shit. Fuck niggas stay on ya job! I'm bout mines! [Insert silly slogan here] Gnome sane?!
I'm sorry. Forgive me. My webcam just went off and something came over me. Here are your 16 of your 32 first round matchups.
In addition to lighting a candle for all the things he's done, we kick off this year's Blent festivities with the 2010 DN Tournament. We revealed the official field of 66 participants yesterday afternoon. This morning we are pleased to give you the full, downloadable 2010 DN Tournament bracket.
Note where Lil' Wayne faces "TBD" in the West region's opening round. This is where you come in, loyal Ron Mexico City reader.
That's right... we will have a play-in bid for the chance to get blown-out by a #1 seed. Better still, it's a THREE-WAY! No nullus.
Diddy, Game and Lupe Fiasco will take part in a three-way battle royal for the chance to participate among the following nignitaries--I mean, dignitaries.
I know what you're thinking. "Damn, Diddy and Game are playing their way in? Fuck. This shit must be deeeeeeeep!"
...and it is. Without further ado, the DNCAA selection committee presents your 63 finalists for the 2010 DN Tournament:
Every now and then WSHH drops some shit that is so embarrassing I have to dust off the video talkings.
"Mr. Hit Dat Hoe?" Are these niggas fucking serious? I feel like the entire fucking coliseum is collapsing around me. That title is just one of those "Don't you naggers have mothers?" moments. Humor me, Treal and Prince Rick. Why are you hitting these hoes anyway? You can't possibly be pimps running around having to smack bitches up. What are you hitting them with?
You’ve waited long enough. It’s time to get the 2010 DN Tournament started. Welcome to the most wonderful time of the NP year.
The DNCAA selection committee has decided to eliminate the SDN and
DDN distinctions. Instead, we’re going to toss all of our
niggas–smart-dumb and dumb-dumb alike–into a single battle royale.
Ideally, we’ll have 64 seeds separated into 4 regional brackets.
No. You’re hearing that shit correctly. The guy in the winter gear
describes their work as “coon music.” It took me a few listens, but he
starts out with “ace boon coon,” like my mama and uncle used to say. He
then progresses, dropping the “ace” and “boon” from the equation.
Perhaps we should rewind the coonery and assess it from the top.
What’s that? No, I’m not laughing. That’s just what my face looks like when I’m overcome with pain, kinda like that one terrified kid who couldn’t stop smiling in Scared Straight. Submitted for your disapproval, Lil’ Jon’s name and crunkafied visage are all over this qualifier for the upcoming 2010 Coon Olympics' premiere event. Check your dignity at the door.
This may be Captain Obvious moment of the year, but that aspiring
rapster Ron Artest is an enigma to me. He consistently exhibits the
behavior of a nigga who fucks with the Leon Isaac Kennedy; that Sherman Hemsley; The Love Boat; Cagney & Lacey; Silver Spoons; Alfonso Ribiero; The Fresh Prince. You get the idea. [Blogger’s Note: OK! Well, damn! You can make any old television show sound like a hallucinogen, can’t you?] One would think Artest is tweakin hard off that gutter butter—except, he’s not all sweaty and shit. This is a total Father Dowling Mystery
to me. After my years in the projects becoming a fiendologist, I
thought I had identifying niggas who liked to get wet down to a
science. I mean, what other kind of nigga walks out onto the set of a nationally televised talk show wearing only underwear and acts like nothing's out of order?
By now you’re likely familiar with Soulja Boy Tell Em having been arrested late last week.
If you’ve been reading Negro Please a while, you’re also aware that
we’ve had a lot of laughs at Soulja Boy’s expense. We also pity his
ignorance, which is not absolved by having made money. In this latest
installment of The De’Andre Way, our hero seems to simultaneously botch both a “music video” shoot and criminal record.
I think it’s safe to say we’re all none too pleased with watching our good friend M-E-T-H OD, man. Method Man hit bud bottom by getting bagged on tax evasion charges.Didn’t
we tell this nigga? Didn’t we tell this nigga not to fuck around with
them people, ha? The mens and womenses of the IRS are not the
demoralized cyclists in your Right Guard Power Stripe commercial. Can’t be treatin the taxman like Dean Cain in How High.
“I went so motherf*cking hard on that n*gga he scared of me… [Bill O'Reilly]
don’t wanna see me on a battle on T.V. with conversation and cameras
and he d*mn sure don’t wanna see me in the hood, n*gga — he left me the
f*ck alone. And I got friends like 50 Cent and Eminem, you know, so I got powerful friends who can get at his motherf*cking a** without him even knowing it. They can do that.”
I’ll start this one off with a little perspective on how far DMX has fallen. DMX’s last LP, Year of the Dog… Again
fell a mere 100 units short of a U.S.-record six (6) consecutive #1
debuts. He would have broken the record of 5 set by his previous
record, Grand Champ.
[Blogger’s Note: That
information comes from Wikipedia, which is a journalistic no-no, but I
believe them niggas. I'll gladly change the lead if it's wrong.]
Niggarachi?! Snoop’s
entire existence has been one giant fuck-up since the first name
change, if you ask me. When even Media Take Out is alarmed, you know
shit has gotten really bad.
I guess in the official name change for his new sure-to-be-terrible project, Snoop Dogg was going for something as epic as Makaveli. He very well may have succeeded—just not the way he may have intended.
AYE AYE AYE WELL OK DAMN CHICKIN CHICKIN!! Whaddup doe?! Yawlready no
what it i’. Issha boi Ronnie Da Blawg Mane AKA Stoochie Mane foe awl da
cank stoochie out dere. Nigga been known I git dat dere. Stop hatin on
a nigga cus I been had stoochie. If yeen’t been knowin what it i’, da
prolly cuh yeen’t gittin none cuz ya to bizzy hatten! BRRRR!
Barack is probably somewhere fucking up a health
care proposal—I mean, chasing down Mexican pork. I mean—working
diligently on making our country better. Please forgive the man if he
doesn’t have time to overturn C-Murder’s second murder conviction.
In yet another case of nigras confusing celebrity with qualification, T-Pain has embraced grad student Justin de la Cruz’s suggestion that the rapper replace T.K. Wetherell as president of Florida State University.
The nomination sounds like something my college friends and I would
have come up with in jest during our many—er,umm—independent
horticulture lab sessions.
“They’re looking for someone who can make a lot of money, and T-Pain makes a lot of money.”
“I know America probably ain’t ready for a young
black rich n*gga running around doing it how he had it planned since he
was little. But i’m from the hood! This is all I know! All I grew up
seeing was diamondz, money, drugs, fightin, shootin, dancing,
basketball and football. real n*gga shit that’s all I was around while
I grew up! I don’t know sh*t else!
I got signed when I was 16 and it took me away from that
environment and put me on a whole other level that blew my mind. I’ve
traveled all across the world and seen some AMAZING MIND BLOWING
THINGS. But I can’t run from my past I can’t act like i’m something i’m
not! I only can be what I know and be who I am WHICH IS ME. A young
n*gga who was born in Southside Chicago moved to ATL and went to high
school in Mississippi. NEVER stayed in a good neighborhood my whole
life until after I got signed!”
Most mornings Ron Mexico City’s iCoonery searches begin at none other than the bastion of buffoonery that is World Star Hip Hop.
A nigga usually can’t tell what’s worse, the video content,
descriptions or comments. I like to think of them as a holy trinity of
fuckery, as it’s not really possible to separate the three.
World Star Bunnies, the girls you see ass-first in WSHH
preview windows, usually make for a welcome break in my swag surfing.
Who doesn’t want to see a hot fucking ghetto mess of an aspiring
stripper shake her dingleberry forest on the twin bed-slash-couch with
her chillens in the room? If the arrangement is between consenting
adults—by “adults” I mean the dancers, World Star’s owners and several
thousand underage viewers—who am I to condemn?
It's very unfortunate that I have to christen our newest volume of the video talking by busting a bottle of Wray & Nephew over Heavy D's deformed eye, but... the bumbaclot did it to himself.
Depression is some serious shit. While we’re not all clinically depressed, we all get down from time to time. I feel that. Soulja Boy freaked the fuck out last week after realizing all that glitters ain’t swag. Bow Wow may very well have felt the ripple effect that shimmers off of the niggas in your circle.
Either that or Bow Wow saw the attention Soulja Boy got for his freakout and decided to try a cracker-less one.
While I openly believe that 24-hour news networks are the worst thing ever to happen to journalism, I chose MSNBC's coverage of Michael Jackson's Memorial for hip-hop journalist Toure.
[Blogger's Note: Don't ever call him a "hip-hop journalist". Trust me.]
[Blogger's Note: Oh, you know damn well that's what it sounded like when he said it.]
In the forthcoming XXL issue proudly displaying what I call the Hip-Hop Apocalypse cover, Gucci Mane, OJ Da Juiceman, Shawty Lo and Soulja Boy Tell 'Em kick the soccer ball around a bit for all you aspiring trap stars and swag merchants.
Mixtape/album. A project that blurs the line between the two entities. There are both positive and negative examples of these. Most negative examples are packaged and sold by Amalbum Digital, baby!
Whoonery (n.) -
White coonery.
Negromantic (adj.) -
Stereotypically negrous love story. Romantic scenario manufactured for black entertainment. [See: Negromatic Comedy (genre)]
Urban (n.) -
Negrous in nature. Of or pertaining to Negro culture. Used in popular media to describe black shit without saying "black shit."
Mulletor (n.) -
1. One who wears a mullet. 2. One of hillbilly descent. (pron.: "Skeletor")
Bermuda Triangle-esque region on back where hands are unable to reach for lotion application (variable).
Cropdusting (v.) -
Blunt augmentation via foreign substances, usually of the opiate orientation. (See: MTW)
Coonery (n.) -
Coon-like behavior. Anything associated with the Flavor of Love franchise. Farnsworth Bentley's day job.
SDN (n.) -
Smart Dumb Nigga. (See: Katt Williams, The Pimp Chronicles Vol. 1; Ghostface, The World According to Pretty Toney) (abbr.)
MTW (n., adj.) -
More Than Weed. Laced greenery (i.e.: Woolahs). (PSA: Don't hit the blunt if you don't know/trust whoever rolled it, children.)
Whitney Diet (n.) -
Cocaine in a can, baby!
Touchdown (n.) -
A nigga that ain't all the way retarded, but just got a touch of Down's [Syndrome]. (i.e. Chris Brown)
The Negro Channel (n.) -
Black Embarrassment Television (see: BET). Abbreviated as "TNC."
Snapper (n.) -
One who performs snap music. A Franchize Boy. A Soulja Boy.
NPS (n.) -
Niggas Per Sentence average. Amount of times the "n"-word is used in a single sentence.
ManBearPig (n.) -
A dangerous mythical beast spawned from the imagination of Al Gore. A nickname for Tiffany "New York" Pollard's mother, Sister Patterson.
CB4 (n.) -
Cock Block [Level] 4. A nickname for Tiffany "New York" Pollard.
Cank Stoochie (n.) -
Nether-regions in dire need of hygienic attention. Nappy minor-league dugout. (see: Flavor of Love)
Blented (adj.) -
Blunted + Bent. Twisted. Slizzard.
Blent (n.) -
Black Lent. Ron Mexico's unofficial 40-day period of reflection and lament spanning from Dr. Martin Luther King, jr. Day through the end of short-ass Black History Month.
BDP (n.) -
Black Diabetes Pandemic. Kool-Aid induced-suffering. The reason Big Mama lost her leg. The new Black Plague.
Niggaball (n.) -
A sport likening basketball, but covered in Lawry's Seasoned Salt. AND 1 Mixtape Tour. Basketball-esque performance sorely lacking in fundamental skills. (see: Philip "Hot Sauce" Champion)
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