Ron Mexico City

XXLMag.com | How High is Too High?

Fly, robin. Fly… Indeed.

I think it’s safe to say we’re all none too pleased with watching our good friend M-E-T-H OD, man. Method Man hit bud bottom by getting bagged on tax evasion charges. Didn’t we tell this nigga? Didn’t we tell this nigga not to fuck around with them people, ha? The mens and womenses of the IRS are not the demoralized cyclists in your Right Guard Power Stripe commercial. Can’t be treatin the taxman like Dean Cain in How High.

XXLMag.com | Only Built 4 CunniLingus Niggaz

If this were an episode of The Wire, our opening quote after “Way Down in the Hole” would have to be the following:

“My mouth too small to suck a dick.” -Raekwon

XXLMag.com | Harlem Children "Eat Da Pussy" [VIDEO]

Here's some true, to-the-heart fuckery for my real RMC peoples.

Prudential Life Insurance Commercial

Umm...

This shiesty-ass little kid is gonna push his dad down the basement stairs.

TheUrbanDaily.com | Soulja Boy Tellem: "Turn My Swag On" + "Bird Walk" videos

Having recently climbed to #4 on the NAACP’s 10 Most Wanted List, Soulja Boy Tell’em looks to shuffle, jig, whine and incoherently mumble his way back to the top of the Billboard charts with happy slave anthems “Turn My Swag On” and “Bird Walk.”

What can I say about Soulja Boy that hasn’t already been said about Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima?

XXLMag.com | Negro Please: Young Jeezy is Barack Obama's New Apprentice?

We interrupt your regularly scheduled coke rap for this special bulletin.

“I got a new mentor. Barack Obama’s my mentor. Y’all believe that, man. For the first time we ready for change, homie. We gon’ back it. Any you people out there listening, it’s a hands-off policy on Barack Obama, man. Y’all touch him, we touchin’ everything. That’s my word to God. That’s on the hood. Every hood. I’m telling you right now. Y’all touch him, you know what it is… And for the first time in life period–I don’t know if you know about black men, but black men are sincere. They mean what they say. Especially when they have power. And he has power, man. He means what he—I think this the change. This the change we need. Everybody. The whole world. We need somebody that’s just for us. And that’s our country, man. Barack Obama, hats off to you, homie. I’m not on no nothing else. Congratulations. Win, lose or draw, we with you, boy.” –Young Jeezy, Trill TV interview

Completely sandwiched by the usual cocaine propaganda, Young Jeezy gives us a Black History/Vote or Drought moment. Let’s see what Merriam-Webster has to say about such foolhardy Negrospeak.

Secret Wire Tap Used In Governor Spitzer Sex Investigation

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Writer

ALBANY - Until earlier this morning, newly-deposed New York Governor Eliot Spitzer had no idea how his paper trail had been followed so meticulously without even the slightest of indication to himself or his staff.

State Detectives Lester Freamon and James McNulty provided a bit of clarity for the disgraced official in a media session today.

"Well, we've been on his money trail for some time now," Freamon told a slew of reporters on hand at the Albany State House. "It took a lot of effort and particular attention to detail to bring this one in. Fortunately for us and the people of New York, the State Police Department provided everything we needed in a timely fashion to keep our wire tap alive. I'm grateful to work in a department that is entirely devoted to police work."

Detective Freamon's comment has been perceived to be a thinly-veiled stab at the noted incompetence of he and McNulty's previous employer, the Baltimore Police Department.

"We're not here to talk about that. If anything I owe the city of Balitmore my career. Working there for nearly a decade gave me the tactical experience to do my job here with the New York State Police," McNulty deflected. "I'll gladly answer any question about the investigation at hand. Those who abuse their power and the trust of their constituency deserve reprecussion. They don't get to win. We get to win."

The arrest and emergence of details surrounding the case come as a surprise to most as it is common knowledge that the department's top priority has been counter-terrorism. The now seven-year-long initiative has absorbed nearly eighty percent of the departmental operations budget. Even the newly-deposed governor was taken aback.

"Sheeeeeeeeeeit!" Spitzer lamented while making his way out of the State House for the last time as head magistrate. "I don't even know where they got the funding or the manpower to listen to my calls and watch the women. I'm at a loss for words at this time."

Spitzer's clammed tongue isa recent development as sordid details of his exchanges with various sex workers have been made public. Through transcripts the one-time Attorney General is depicted as a vocal and aggressive sexual deviant whose requests included unprotected sex and fecal play.

"The great irony comes in that a man known almost exclusively for his pursuit of the abuse of funds designated for municipal use could be mired in a scandal of this nature," added political analyst and Obama campaign strategist A Pimp Named Slickback. "Still there's a matter of far greater importance at hand. We can't be havin niggas out on the streets forcing hoes into raw dog situations like that. That's bad for everyone."

As a disgraced Eliot Spitzer leaves the State House, history will be made this week as Lieutenant Governor David A. Paterson is expected to be sworn in as New York's governor for the remainder of the current term. Of course, the first question they ask a nigga is if he had any invovlement in the skeet-flavored fuckery staining the chair he is slated to assume.

"I didn't see shit," Paterson assured.

Labels: david a. paterson, eliot spitzer, governor, i love new york, the wire

Kenard Just Fuckin Wit Em, Mane!

Apparently, Spider.

Kenard and Bug on Chris Partlow's favorite morning show!

I must say, this shit is freaking me out. This kid was last seen setting a cat on fire.

We'll get to that proper-like soon.

Labels: chris partlow, kenard, the wire

The Wire Season 5: "The Wire... Back On Tap"

By Ronaldo Horacio Mexico, Dissociated Press Staff Writer

NEW YORK - After over three entire calendar years, the star whose namesake is the series title has finally returned to the program.

After being written out of the plot, The Wire returns with a slight twist.

"I'm kinda dirty now," Wire told Ron Mexico City this morning. "I like the direction my character has taken. I didn't want to come back if it was going to be the same old bullshit, you know?"

It's not the way we're used to seeing it. There's no Freamon and Prezbo screening the "pertinents" and "non-pertinents." There's no Sydnor on the roof with a camera or buying 20 rocks. This time the shit's for keeps.

"When Wood [Harris] came back to the show before I did, I was a little hurt. But I realize now it's for the best."

Wire also revealed to RMC that his favorite character is Omar, but kept hush about the scar-faced jizzguzzler's fate.

The Wire Season 5: "Thangs Done Changed"

That's a Proposition Joe moment.

Alright, fuck it. Another one. He deserves it.

That shit's from the super bootleg Season 4 DVD. My shit was clean than a fuck, son.

Anyway... To the episode.

While "Thangs Done Changed" as the late, great, notorious, glorious Big Poppa once said, shit remains the same. I'm more inclined to go with the wisdom of Solomon in that there ain't a thang new under The [Balitomore] Sun.

Detective Carlicchio, or however the fuck you spell his name, invoked the spirit of Herc and Carver during Season 1. By going straight Reginald Deny on a school teacher because he was humiliated by Kenard, he reminded Carver of why every minute aspect of professional conduct matters.

Besides, Carlicchio shouldn't have been talking shit to his superior officer if nothing else.

The best part was that Herc even agreed with Carver at Reformed Fuck-ups Support Group [held weekly at McDougal's Pub or the Precinct parking lot (pimpin'.)]

Speaking of Herc, I would have collapsed to the ground with laughter if I were Marlo after finding out what the camera cost Sgt. Hauk.

The top brass counts costs as the volleyball team in command rotates once more. I would have wondered what Burrell was doing behind me with a golf club during such volatile times. I've been in a room with a drawn golf club before. The shit is not cool. While I continued to roll my blunt and play it cool, part of me wanted to rush the situation and wrap the 7-iron around that bitch-ass nigga.

But I digress.

City Council President Norrice promises to convince Burrell to go down quietly at a price. In exchange for culmination of her sweetheart deal with the dope lord, she'll handle that bidness for Massa Tommy.

In passing, Rawls takes in some friendly advice from his esteemed predecessor, Ervin Burrell while Deputy Ops Daniels enjoys the begining of his 6-month waiting period.

...and to think Pearlman could have been fucking Jimmy McNulty. No, sir. The mandingo suits her just fine. Homegirl's name is Rhonda anyway. She probably eats neckbones and all that.

"That wasn't me, Rhonda." -Tyrone Biggums

Note: The mailman is Clay Davis.

What's Clay Davis up to, you ask? His elbows in shit.

Dealing a blow to the altruistic credibility of the pursuit of R. Clayton "Sheeeeit" Davis Strong mayoral candidate Bell doesn't want Lester to dig up the whole radish. Just enough to bury Clay Davis alone. We've already seen Norrice's ties to those bitch ass niggas on the East Side. I wonder whose package is keeping Bell's campaign contribution account full.

All roads lead to Clay Davis' balls not being the only ones dangled above the rotisserie.

McNutty and Freamon are keeping their respective fire alive. They went all the way down to the Southern to harass Uncle Phil for bums. If only they were allowed to put this kind of energy to real cases.

While trying to solidify their weak sauce, was that one of the Season 2 stevedores Freamon and McNutty came across at the fire in the bum community?

Jimmy's gonna be just as lonely soon enough. Beadie shouldn't have even given this nigga a talking to. It should have been straight G-H-E-T-T-O-U-T.

Yo, son... Keema Greggs got a fatty. If she weren't no lesbian, I'd have some energy to focus on that. I wouldn't mind the three way with her and her ex, neither. They both look good.

On a far more serious note, the boy she discovered in the closet is the scariest shit in the world. I couldn't imagine what his worldview is like.

"I'mma work them. Sweet Jesus, I'mma work them." -Omar

The first stop on Omar's "Welcome Home" tour was East Side to see the one crew he knew to have a means of reaching Butchie. Knowing that Prop Joe wouldn't be anywhere near his operation, he decided to take the drama to Lt. Slim Charles at his project apartment. Luckily, Charles saved his own balls with a good confession.

Somewhere across town The Rat who took the Cheese took a stroll with Chris Partlow. Usually this is not a good thing. Cheese walking with Chris was hilarious. "I ain't done nothing to piss you off lately, right?" No, in fact he was just being awarded the honor of making Marlo's job easier by taking yet another East Side boss out of the equation.

Immediately after deading Shitty Man... I mean, Hungry Man, Cheese then finished off his own uncle. Before Joe was to take off into hiding from Omar, Method Rat brings Marlo and Chris to Joe's pre-hideout.

The fucked up part is that it was probably like, Cheese's grandfather's house or some shit. Ugh, I can't stand this new breed. Joe was right. Marlo and Cheese come from a generation removed from the struggle.

Ain't no love in the heart of the city.

Rest In Peace "Proposition" Joe Stewart. For his Season 5 fall in its entirety, [click here].

As one observant viewer pointed out, Prop Joe fucked up when he let Marlo meet Vondas back in Season 4. To expand on the notion, Joe made a suspect move like that to save Cheese's disloyal, bitch-made ass.

Bonus:

For those of you that don't remember, this (among other times Omar has drawn down on Senor Queso) is the reason Mef is so bent on burying Omar.

That and the dickbreath.

Labels: reginald deny, thangs done changed, the baltimore sun, the notorious b.i.g.

The Wire Season 5: "The Miseducation of Marlo Stanfield"

We tried to school him back in the day. Ain't easy civilizing this motherfucker.

As we already know, Marlo represents the worst kind of gangster. The scourge of the black community is not the drug dealer in and of himself, but the dope man that lacks code.

I'm starting to believe the second greatest danger to be the dope man that doesn't know what to do with his money.

Who in their right mind would trust a monster like Marlo Stanfield with valuable information such as what to do with millions of not-yet-manicured street bills? Marlo is a foreign account away from being Idi Amin. Why empower him when he has long since made clear at co-op meetings that he has no intention on cooperating?

A nigga almost said "co-opping."

The Wire Season 5: "Jimmy The Ripper"

Ripping and running with the best of them, indeed.

Beadie can't make this ho into a housewife. I hope she kicks his punk ass to the curb too.

Episode 2 of Season 5 finally delivers the long-awaited meeting of Avon Barksdale and Marlo Stanfield. Sure, the West Baltimore torch had long since been passed as of their wink-and-nod encounter at Avon's sentencing toward the end of Season 3, but here we have the two's first exchange.

It is a doozy indeed.

After flexing his muscle as king of the correctional facility, Avon proceeds to pimp Marlo and Sergei to the tune of $100,000 up front and the prospect of a renewed source of substantial income that could possibly bring the Barksdale organization back to prominence even from behind the walls of Jessop.

With the 2008 "I Have A Dream Speech," Avon tucks himself squarely under the covers with his one-time rival to the tune of "Fuck them East Side bitches!"

It's funny that Avon and Marlo can be civil past this:

Money is a motherfucker.

After assessing that nothing neither could nor would be done fiscally from above to mend his broken ship, Jimmy McNulty makes the craziest and riskiest play of his career in drunken assholery. Being the cold case murder capital that Baltimore is, Jimmy Boozetron decides to play around with the canvas a bit. He strangles a John Doe that he an Bunk catch with the idea that he could falsify the emergence of a serial killer.

Ironically enough, the media would pay much more attention to a deranged strangler than a Marlo Stanfield. The Baltimore Sun and television news coverage would force the hand of the mayor's office to fund the police department. While most of us agree with the desired end result, we fail to realize that McNutty is just as big a sociopath as the Marlo Stanfields and Avon Barksdales he is devoted to chasing. Much like the gangsters he has been trying to lock up for 4 seasons, Jimmy's imposes his philosophy on life upon everyone within the reach of his Jameson-clutching arms.

Enjoy Episode 3 tonight. I seen it. It's incredible. You won't be disappointed.

Labels: avon barksdale, jameson, jimmy mcnulty, marlo stanfield, the baltimore sun, the wire

The Wire Season 5: "More With Less"

We're all familiar with the mantra of "doing more with less." We've bought Malt-O-Meal bagged cereals. We've worn Keds. We've made trips to the $10 Store and put tap water into our detergent bottles.

What have we learned? The diluted detergent doesn't get the clothes as bright. Pro-Keds don't hold up in gym class like the Jordans. The $10 boutique wears shred into dishrags after a few shifts at Citibank. (Doubling up and wearing them to the club on Thursdays and Fridays doesn't help either.)

Malt-O-Meal $1.99 bagged cereal is incredible, but that's entirely beside the point.

The season 5 premiere of "The Wire" only outlines how this principle holds true in the dope game, the precinct and our newest medium of interest, the newsroom.

With Mayor Carcetti funneling every last penny he can muster into the much-maligned education system we observed last season, it is the police department that suffers the most. With cutbacks across the board, The Wiretap All-Stars (AKA Major Crimes unit) must be disbanded with the exception of team captain Cool Lester Smooth and his file lackey, Det. Leander Sydnor.

Left with only the resources to track down Clay "Sheeeeeit" Davis, Major Crimes watches its 4-season stalwarts McNulty and Greggs return to homicide. As we all know, an ounce of prevention in the form of a fully-operational MCU following niggas around and listening to burner conversations is worth far more than 12 humps staring at John Does and, at best, BNBG witnesses.

As effective and intuitive as certain members of Major Crimes have been, it's a little surprising how aloof they were of the notion that the "Streets Is Watching." What makes you think you get a free pass to climb up buildings, sit in unmarked vans and conveniently pretend to buy newspapers without some hopper getting the eyeball on you? Despite being an excellent, dedicated unit, they exhibit the tragic flaw of a natural police haughtiness that allows those on the other side of the law to stay on the offensive and a full step ahead.

It was still pretty hilarious how Bunk and Landsman tricked that poor kid with the photocopier and Mickey D's.

It was almost as bad as watching a rock-dumb motherfucker like Herc buy valuable information for Levy (Avon Barksdale's Jew lawyer) for a round of Budweisers and well whiskey. When he finally learns the intricacies of the expense account, all of the Baltimore Police Department's tactical secrets will belong to the Barksdale organization.

I'm sure it all fits on one sheet of paper. One-sided.

Sgt. Ellis "You Gon' Take Care Of Me" Carver had his hands full dealing with the backlash from disgruntled, underpaid Western District officers. It was nice to watch him yell some of those bastards down. It's even better watching his continued maturity, exemplified by his being entirely cognizant of the bullshit he fed his men.

"Professionals get paid. That's why we call them pros."

Watching the only police department I've ever rooted for suffer this way only take me to the immortal words of Reg E. Cathey as Querns... I mean Norman Wilson.

"When the governor threw that $50 million on the table, you should have picked that shit up... [Without it Carcetti] is just a broke-ass mayor of a broke-ass city."

Many readers have asked me questions like "Ronnie, did you ever work for a newspaper?" or "Would you ever want to write for The Times?" Aside from the fact that a publication like that would never allow me to speak as candidly to the public as I'd like, this episode outlines exactly why Ron Mexico could never write for your local newsie.

As Bunk and Omar have implored, "man gotta have a code." As exemplified by a great many news sources and bridges burned therefrom, sources are reluctant to trust these vinegar and baking soda doucebags with j-school degrees that will roll on them for some front page love.

I also have no desire to work with editors, directors and otherwise executives that have "mastered" a ghost of the medium we navigate today. I don't need some 60-year-old in my ear about how he got Deep Throat to spill over crab cakes and pinot grigio 35 years ago. The field is nothing like what it was in their day, and for the most part these smoke-blowing relics would be better qualified to irrigate an African village than to oversee an effective publication.

God does indeed still reside in the details, though. The Baltimore Sun's editor on the program is flat-out awesome.

"Yeah... Stay hungry like that."

Back on the skreet, Michael ended up having to put Dukie on nanny patrol. That's cool. Duke don't belong on that damn corner no way. It's like "Everybody Hates Chris" out there for him.

Marlo may have been better served NOT popping shit in the co-op meetings. Being that he plans to get a line out to Sergei Malatov (Season Two), he might want to keep a low profile. But eh, that's too simple. Lisa Stansfield's illegitimate son is not one for tactful discourse. He's no diplomat.

Marlo's just a gangster, I suppose.

To assure he'd meet the right man, he had his African warlord lieutenant Chris Partlow go up in the municipal building and jack the mugshot photo from his file. Life got a little sweeter as Chris was further able to watch everyone watching him. If he didn't retain everything that was being said about his operation within earshot, he was 5 seconds away from overhearing Daniels and Pearlman discussing his case.

He peeped McNutty on the way out of fucking with Sergei's file. Season 1 or 2 McNulty would have been all over that. I don't think the connection was made. Maybe because Jimmy's spending less time being good police and more time fucking around on Beadie Russell.

That's a good woman, and Jimmy doesn't even have the decency to step outside the bar to call her.

Anyways, what did you take from episode one of the final season of the greatest television program ever to happen to ever?

We'll discuss episode 2 (and Bubbles) tomorrow.

Labels: deep throat, everybody hates chris, keds, lisa stansfield, malt-o-meal, streets is watching, the baltimore sun, the wire